My Journey: Goodbye 2011 >>>> Hello 2012

My Journey: Goodbye 2011 >>>> Hello 2012: Out with the old and in with the new! That seems to be the general mindset of most when a new year is upon us. Hence my urge to give my blog...

Goodbye 2011 >>>> Hello 2012

Out with the old and in with the new! That seems to be the general mindset of most when a new year is upon us. Hence my urge to give my blog a face lift. It works with my theme for this blog, "Out with the Old in with the NEW!" The last design wasn't me... so I fixed it! It is a work in progress but the look now is DEFINITELY more ME :-)

So..... how should I start this one? Of course! I have to reflect on this past year! I started this blog in March of this year and I must say it was ONE of my best decisions in 2011. I was able to show a different side of myself to those around me. The responses that I get from my blog are wonderful, I truly appreciate all of the words of encouragement. So first and foremost I thank whoever you are reading this right now. Your support is never unnoticed and little do you know when life gets hard I think of people like you, encouraging me to keep striving. I like to consider myself a pretty independent woman but I wouldn't be anything without God, my family and friends supporting me every step of the way. I couldn't thank you enough!

When I take the time to realize the wisdom I have gained this year alone, it amazes me! I'm nowhere near the Ashley I was a year ago and to anticipate the new lessons that 2012 will bring only makes me more eager to live life. I appreciate the good and bad in life because of the lesson(s) learned; it is a great aspect to living life. I'm only 24 and I am so sure of myself and what I want to do that I have a hard time being patient.

2011 has been a whirlwind! Filled with ups and downs, certainly the ups outweigh the downs. I gained new friends and let go of some of the old. I learned more than likely things will NOT go as planned and to only focus on the things I have control over. I gained a new outlook on perception and reality because there IS a BIG difference (That statement STILL hits me like I never heard it before). I also learned that I can't force things to happen, as much as I may try to move on something if it is not in God's plan there is nothing I can do but have patience and let time take its course. I have come a long way and I know I still have a ways to go, I'm on the right path though.

As we bring in 2012 I just want to say no matter what you do in your life at the end of the day YOU are your number one priority (unless you have a kid). Every decision you make has a consequence and whatever the consequence make sure you can handle it and you can look yourself in the mirror afterwards. If it doesn't feel right DO NOT DO IT! Be happy, Be healthy and BE YOU! Happy New Years!

This thing called, LIFE!

I'm excited!

About what?

Well my future of course! I have a lot of things going on in my life right now and as I have said before I know that God is truly guiding my steps. Things have been going great at work and I feel a lot of progress with everything I am doing. This weekend is going to be BIG. I'll be finishing up my new resume tape and pumping it out to TV stations all over the place.

My hunger for success is only growing and I am working hard continuously to make sure I don't lose sight of what the BIG picture is. It's amazing how God moves in my life and the people he has introduced me to in 2011. Most people that know me, know that I am not too open to just meeting random people and calling them my friends and forming a relationship with them outside of my work environment or wherever I come in contact with people at. What God has done to change my perspective with new people I come across is amazing. He knew what I needed. I'm where I am at today because this is what he has for me. Realizing that I am being prepared for something that I have no clue what it is makes me even more focused. I am open and ready to accept whatever is to come. I don't know when or how but I have faith that it's coming and God never lets me down.

The fact that it is December already is wild! This year flew by so fast... and from what I hear it only goes faster. This May will be three years since I graduated from Clarion and in June it will be seven since I graduated high school. Where did the time go? Those time frames right there are reason enough to make sure EVERYTHING I do has purpose and is getting me closer to my ultimate goal. I re-tweeted a tweet from a friend that said, "When things don't add up in your life, start subtracting". In 2011 I did A LOT of subtracting, I can't say that it was easy or I am done but the progress that I made this year was necessary and I couldn't be more at peace with life and the decisions I made.

My journey is far from over but I have to say the process is trying, scary and confusing but I'm learning every step of the way. I constantly evaluate the things I do in life and writing this blog has been a tremendous amount of help. I occasionally read through different blogs just to remember and learn from moments that I have had so far. Although things have been going good it take one second for things to go bad. I know it's going to happen and I welcome the bad times too.

I wouldn't be the person I am today if I didn't go through the things I have gone through.    
 

A sense of clarity

So my last blog that I attempted to write last week was deleted as I was finishing it up. Talk about PISSED OFF!! I literally prayed that it was saved and would come back... well that didn't happen. I then thought to myself well maybe that blog wasn't supposed to be shared and that was God's way of stopping me.

One thing about my blogs is that they come off the top of my head. When I sit down to write I always have a motive; there is some kind of message that I want to share but it is never complete. It works better for me to just type away and then go through everything and organize my random thoughts.

I am such a random person... I think of the oddest things at the most random times and more than likely if someone is around me I will let it all out. It's why I love to be able to come to my blog and just express myself. No holding back just telling you what I think and what is weighing on my heart. Take it or leave it... either way I don't care.

I couldn't begin to tell you where my last blog began and where it ended. I'm pretty sure this blog will entail a few things that were in my last blog because if I thought that way then I more than likely feel the same way today....

24 Years has brought me...

Twenty four years and some days ago I was brought into this world. A day I don't remember but to many I was anxiously awaited and the nurturing process for my parents at the moment was changed. They had birthed their second child, their only girl and no one knew what was in store for me.

I can honestly remember vividly back to Kindergarten. Days before that milestone in my life are like sneak peeks. I remember places and things but nothing of substance. It's amazing how fast life moves. As a child when my birthday came along I would always think, "I wonder how my life will be when I am..." Each year the age went higher. First it was turning 16, then finally legal 18, then the unforgettable 21st birthday and now I am one year away from being a quarter of a century.

As a child if someone were to ask me where do I see myself when I am 24 years old I would have never in a million years thought here. Who could really guess something like that at such a young age. Then I think about my own mother who at my age was married with a 4 year old son and was pregnant with me.

Here I am 24 years old, college graduate, pursuing my career dreams and in a commited relationship. The complete opposite of my parents. At my young age my parents had it all together. I didn't comprehend at that time what they were doing at such a young age but never the less they were doing it.

Because of my parents at a young age I made a decision to always put myself first and to never stop working to towards goals I have set for myself. If I'm not happy how can I  make someone else happy? I know for myself every year after my birthday I always do a lot of reflecting. Things are never the same as they were the year before. I just always thank God for getting me through those changes and making me a better person.

At this moment I think the biggest thing for me to accept in life is things change and there is nothing me or anyone else can do about it. Whether it is the people, places, things or situations in life. I have come to a point where I focus on what I feel is best for me. Those who are going to be in my life will be and those who aren't won't. Life moves too fast to focus on things or people that aren't adding to my life.

The past two years of my life have been the most drastic and life changing. I have outgrown a lot of things and I don't look at life the same as I did two years ago. I have to be more sure of each decision I make from this point on. Everything is critical and time isn't waiting for me.

The biggest humbling factor for me this year has been my job search. I'll call it silent rejection because there aren't any letters of recieving my resumes and there isn't notification of rejection. The rejection could very well be they just didn't get to my envelope or email that stacks up in the office of some news director or human resources manager. Despite that I continue to apply. I know when my time comes it will be at the perfect time and it isn't for me to know when that will be.

In the meantime I have stumbled upon some great opportunities that continue to give me an edge. Those are the blessings that God sends my way to constantly let me know he has my steps ordered and this is what I am meant to do.

Despite the numerous discouraging instances in life I take those with a grain of salt and keep on trucking through.

These 24 years of living life I have experienced some very beautiful things! I am a daughter, sister, friend, aunt and girlfriend all of those which shape the person I am today and to all of those things I am greatful for.

Life Lessons

So I'm long overdue for this... wasn't really sure what I wanted to write about next.

The past few months have been a whirlwind for me. I constantly recognize a change in myself and for me I feel it is for the better. I'm becoming more blunt and I don't hold my tongue. Sometimes things might not come out the best way but if I said it and however I said it, it needed to be said. I have realized I won't put up with anything I don't want to and some people can agree and others won't... I don't really care!

I am currently going through one of the hardest moments in my life. I have a constant drive and it is honestly ALL I AM FOCUSED ON. What I am going through I know takes TIME. So my patience, humbleness and faith are all I have to get me through.

STRESS... I have enough of it so I have chose to eliminate the things in my life that stress me out that I have control over. What put the icing on the cake for me was when I went to church this past Sunday, July 31, 2011. For one I haven't been to church in a long time and that was also something else that was LONG overdue for me to do. It was a message that I needed to hear and it just gave me more confidence in the decisions that I have been making. The scripture was taken from 2 Kings Chapter 4: 1-7. It was a story of a woman who had two problems, one she couldn't change and the other she could. She asked a servant of the Lord for help and what he did was give her advice & not the answer. She listened and the problem that she could change was solved, the other was a dead situation and she had to make due with what she had. When something is dead and there is nothing you can do about it you have to let go. Holding on to something that isn't helping you or is bringing you down only holds you back. When you have a situation that you can do something about you fix it! The message I heard touched me and it gave me a sense of peace with a lot of things in my life. As much as I stress I always get through and when I do make a decision that may not have been the best one I learn from it.

I have learned to appreciate things and people for what it may be and I can't expect too much from anyone but myself. People change and that is life because we all have a different outlook on what we call life. At the end of the day I learned a lesson and that is always be true to myself and I don't have to please anyone but myself & God.

Rambling thoughts... I need to get this off my chest!

I have a million thoughts but I don't know how to make sense of them....

& ideas that I don't know how to organize or put the pieces together at this moment...

Will my thoughts ever make sense?

I always feel like something is missing...

I have a place I want to be but the process to get there isn't exactly what I expected...

I wonder if my dreams are going to come true?

How am I going to make it?

What am I going to do with my life?

Why me?
Will it get better?

Is this it?

How did I get myself here?

Why did I do that?

Will it ever make sense?

Will I get to the moment when I can look back and say "That's what that was for"?

Am I tough enough?

My thoughts are confused  BUT my drive is NOT!

The curve balls life throws at me makes me think about each and every decision I have made so far. Some were great and others were not so great.

My mind has been on a roller coaster & I couldn't even bring myself to make a complete thought. I even had to start this blog with questions and statements because I have no clue where I want to go with it. Therefore I am going to ramble.

One thing I do know is that I had to express something because I am going crazy keeping some things bottled up.

I can say I am thankful for my support system because even when I don't believe in myself they believe in me.

One of my problems is worrying about too many people and not enough on myself. As much as I love to love and be the best friend I can be at some point I have to be selfish and worry about myself and myself only.

Lately I have been saying this statement on a regular basis "I am ready to get out of Pittsburgh". I LOVE my city and what it has done for me but for me to do what I want to do I have to go. Hopefully God has a plan for me to come back & bring what I have learned back home and MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

When you are unhappy with where you are at you should do whatever is necessary to change what needs to be changed.  I like to be happy so I have to do whatever I have to do to stay happy. The career path that I have chosen is well known for making people unhappy. I know a lot of miserable people and I NEVER want to be that way. It just isn't healthy if you ask me.

I'm the type of person that likes new things. I am not afraid of change or to take on a challenge to embark on something new at any moment possible.

I have always had an imagination and I believe that is from my love of reading.

I am somebody; a lot of people just don't know it yet and that is fine because they aren't ready and I don't believe I have done enough.

Change for the better not for the worse but whose the judge as to what is better or worse? Throughout my life I have met a lot of people and some of those people have achieved the things they have always wanted to achieve but with that came a new "person". Yes people grow up, change, grow apart and move on but one thing I have promised myself is to never feel like I am above or better than the next person. It grinds my gears when I run into someone I have known for years and to act like I am the scum of the earth blows my mind. I just tell myself that is their problem... I'll never let a little bit of fame get to my head. My mom always told me "What God gives, he can take away", so in other words stay humble no matter what your circumstances are.

This blogging experience has brought something different out of me. I have always spoken whats on my mind but the extent that I do now shocks me at times. Sometimes I can't believe the things I say. 

I'm an emotional wreck... I can literally cry at the drop of dime! NO I'm not soft I can take a lot. Honestly I probably cry more because I am happy/excited rather than crying because I am sad. Sometimes I cry as I blog because I am putting so much of ME into this. How can I truly be me if I'm not passionate about whatever it is I do?

I do not condone doing things that make me miserable. If I do I'll quit at the drop of a dime... I think happiness is one of my number one priorities and I don't take it for granted.

As I pray to God every day and ask him to guide me I believe and have faith that he will never leave me astray. I chose a way of life that forces me to struggle/grind/hustle whatever you want to call it and I can say when I think I am going to fall he has always been there to catch me. With all of my RAMBLING THOUGHTS I know one day it will all makes sense, even when I don't want to believe it! For that I THANK GOD!

To my family & friends words can't express how much you mean to me (grabbing tissue because the tears have began to fall). I am truly at a point in my life where I can't tell you exactly what I am doing but I am doing something and the support you give me is NEVER unnoticed. I am far from where I want to be but the prayers and advice are so uplifting I can't wait to make you even more proud.

Mom, WOW! You are SUPERWOMAN! I wouldn't be where I am without you. You keep me grounded and remind me that I can do whatever I put my mind to. You are the epitome of what a mom should be and I love you for being all you can be for me.

Dontae I don't think there are enough beautiful words to explain what you mean to me. On top of being my significant other you have become my best friend and I know that you and I together make such a statement. I can't wait to see the amazing things that we achieve together, God willing. You may not know how much you motivate me to continue to strive to be the best woman I can be but you do and for that I am forever thankful.

Ok Ok Ok yea I got emotional but I've been holding a lot in so I had to express myself! That's what this blog is for right? Everything isn't for everyone and if you understand that about life I think everyone can appreciate it more! My confusion and the lack of ability to conform all of my thought into a complete one I think I expressed what I needed to get things off my chest!

WHEW! *Wipes forehead & eyes* :)

Respect should be Reciprocated: Not a One Way street

THE GOLDEN RULE - Do unto others as you would have for them to do to you

To this day I can't fathom why in the work place not matter your position people can't respect one another. I know we don't live in a perfect world and I know that everyone is not at the same maturity level but there has to come a point where certain things are not tolerated.

My problem today is RESPECT.

One thing I will say about myself is I will always hold myself to a standard where I give others around me the SAME respect I want and expect in return. When you cross that line I have a problem and I am not the girl who will let someone disrespect me. I have never been okay with it and I will never be! What I also won't do is let someone who has disrespected me take me out of my character but I will let you know I will not stand for it.

Something I NEVER want to do is use "The Black Card" but sometimes its hard when you know it's being used against you. In a work environment where I am the ONLY black person in the building until talent shows up normally is not a hard thing until their is an issue. Who (those that don't look like me) wouldn't believe "The black girl acted unprofessional" because I sternly made a statement to get someone to quit yelling at me & it worked. Did I intimidate you? I believe I did! I came at you correct and let you know what you will not do to me!

I appreciate the fact that I have a job where two of my mentors are there and I can always trust to go to them and vent and let out my frustrations. Especially working in this industry where these people can be nasty. Its easy for me to get all "sister girl" and tell everyone what I believe they need to hear but that would only give them what they expect from someone WHO LOOKS LIKE ME. I guess it just upsets me more that I don't have any voice besides mine to stand up for me when I work the shift that I work so I feel like its me against the world. Its funny to see people pull out anything to make me look like the bad person. I know I didn't do anything wrong and if it ever came down to it I know in my heart I did the right thing.

I believe if you let one person walk all over you they will continue to do so along with their friends who watch it happen as well. You can be the CEO of a company but you better believe if you don't respect the person who is at the bottom in someway it can and will bite you in the butt! It is true GOD DOESN'T LIKE UGLY!

No matter how far in life you get you should never burn bridges with people!

Simply stated all I ask for is RESPECT!



Influence * Motivation * Perseverance

Everyone in life has something that motivates them... assuming they want to be motivated. I believe that at any moment you can be motivated whether it is a person, a quote, a picture, a situation in life, almost anything! Lately I catch myself seeing things, hearing things or reading something and at that moment it gives me a burst of energy to continue to work hard at what I want out of life.

"I got a dream thats worth more than my reality & pride that's worth more than a salary" -Big Sean (rapper)

"Sometimes I feel I'm working just to work harder. And then work harder than who worked the hardest. Man the life of a workaholic .You either on your work or just workin on it."
-Big Sean (rapper)

Lately I have been really feeling a mixtape by rapper, Big Sean. I heard both of these lines in his song, Final Hour and I hit the rewind button multiple times. The first time was becasue I wanted to make sure I heard right but everytime after that it was becasue those two lines explained the exact feeling that I have about life. I work a lot of hours between two jobs and at the end of the day I know where I am going. As hectic as my life may seem at the moment I have some kind of plan. I can't say I have the exact plan because only one person knows that. I just know that I have too much talent built up inside of me and it will go to use!

Since Friday, April 29, 2010 I can honestly say work at the TV station has been momorable, from the Royal Wedding of Harry & Kate (Catherine) to the most recent news of Osama Bin Laden's death. I can't explain the energy I had being able to watch things as they were happening and being in the mix. Of course it would have been better to be the one actually telling the story but for now I will take it for what it is. I appreciate being able to watch the professionals locally & nationally cover such impacting stories in our lifetime. It may seem a little corny but to me its a big deal.

It feels good knowing that I am pursuing something that I am passionate about. I appreciate these moments in my life that I believe God is continuing to show me that this is what I was born to do.



HOROSCOPES = DRIVE ASHLEY CRAZY LoL

I am a BIG BIG BIG fan of zodiac signs... I don't care what other people think about it BUT what I do know is that it is apart of my motivation. Besides prayer that I do on a constant basis to keep me sane & balanced my horoscope for the day can surely put fire under my @$$! I have bad days, you know and sometimes that is the pick-me-up that I need. I can take it for what it is and keep it moving!



What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is FOR us, WHO can be against us? - Romans 8:31
I didn't understand the power of this scripture until my sophomore year in college. At Clarion University I went through A LOT but I think that is apart of the whole undergrad process.

I went to college a 17 year old girl and graduated a 21 year old woman with a completely different outlook on life. The things I learned about myself during that time was priceless. I truly believe those moments showed me I can get through ANYTHING! Growing up I was always told that everyone will not like me and things won't be handed to me, which is life. While in college I experienced it first hand but I made it through. Completing my undergraduate degree on top of finding out who I really was and what I stood for was not easy.

That scripture is something I always keep near to my heart because it's true.

Although if you ask me today, I know I'm going to make it because I have faith in ME, Ashley Renee Connor.

The Bad Days

Will I really make it in this business? In NO way am I doubting myself or my talents BUT this business is CUT THROAT & it is true ONLY the strong survive. Coming up on two years since graduating college I constantly ask myself why do I want to do this? The answer I give myself is always -- because I truly can't picture myself doing anything else! I LOVE NEWS, local and national!

My boyfriend tells me I watch the news like its a sporting event. I HATE when people talk while I am watching the news!! When I go to the gym I listen to my music & read the caption on the TV of whatever network station they are showing.

It is something that I am truly passionate about and at this moment I feel like I am smack dab in the middle. I'm not on TV yet, but I'm around it on a daily basis. Then the frustration of the hustle & bustle of my life because I am only part-time at WPXI-TV, as a production assistant.

It's often that I have breakdowns because living like this is frustrating but I'm chasing a dream that something in my heart is telling me to keep chasing. Doesn't that mean something?

On a daily basis I thank God because HE truly keeps me. He blessed me with VERY supportive people in my life and without them I wouldn't be able to make the sacrifices that I make on a daily basis. When I think I can't do something he always proves me wrong and I can count my blessings.

There are three women in the media that to this day I look up to! They include, Robin Roberts, Oprah Winfrey and my own cousin Donna Lowry. The work that they do inspires me and to see beautiful women like them make a difference in the lives of their viewers is motivation. One day I hope and pray to be a positive asset to a community just like them.

Ever since 2008 I knew what my journey was going to entail... not the specifics BUT I had an idea. I am currently living it and of course it is harder and taking way longer than I thought.

How long do I wait? You know there comes a point when you have to be realistic with yourself and make a grown up decision... and sad to say I don't know what plan B is, haven't quite figured that out. I can't do a 9 to 5 job that would have me doing the EXACT SAME THING EVERY D*MN (excuse me) DAY! No thank you, I am not interested.

Honestly, my favorite thing about news is that it's ALWAYS something different. It feels good to be able to go to work, complete a task and not have to think about the same thing over again. Unless its a continuing (developing) story but even with that there are new details! If nothing new comes about it gets pushed to the side. Nobody wants to hear the same news every day! GIVE ME SOMETHING NEW!

So yes yesterday, today and possibly tomorrow will be not so great days but it gets like that sometimes, I guess. I tell the little voice inside of me thanks because whatever it is, its powerful because it keeps me going!

#1 ~ Day 1 ~ My written Beginning

This is my FIRST BLOG EVER!!!!! I have wanted to start a blog for a VERY long time but wasn't sure, when? The title of my 1st blog is significant for me... in many ways this is a new beginning for me and I must admit I'm excited :)

A very special & influential person in my life has told me since 2005:

"They may not know your name today, but your going to let them know what your name is! Who are you??"

Since I was 9 years old I have wanted to pursue a career in journalism. At that moment it was probably for ALL OF THE WRONG reasons but as I grew & matured that thought turned into a passion. I have done a number of things to connect me with the right people and they have and still do guide me through this journey.

My Name Is: Ashley Renee Connor