& ideas that I don't know how to organize or put the pieces together at this moment...
Will my thoughts ever make sense?
I always feel like something is missing...
I have a place I want to be but the process to get there isn't exactly what I expected...
I wonder if my dreams are going to come true?
How am I going to make it?
What am I going to do with my life?
Why me?
Will it get better?
Is this it?
How did I get myself here?
Why did I do that?
Will it ever make sense?
Will I get to the moment when I can look back and say "That's what that was for"?
Am I tough enough?
My thoughts are
The curve balls life throws at me makes me think about each and every decision I have made so far. Some were great and others were not so great.
My mind has been on a roller coaster & I couldn't even bring myself to make a complete thought. I even had to start this blog with questions and statements because I have no clue where I want to go with it. Therefore I am going to ramble.
One thing I do know is that I had to express something because I am going crazy keeping some things bottled up.
I can say I am thankful for my support system because even when I don't believe in myself they believe in me.
One of my problems is worrying about too many people and not enough on myself. As much as I love to love and be the best friend I can be at some point I have to be selfish and worry about myself and myself only.
Lately I have been saying this statement on a regular basis "I am ready to get out of Pittsburgh". I LOVE my city and what it has done for me but for me to do what I want to do I have to go. Hopefully God has a plan for me to come back & bring what I have learned back home and MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
When you are unhappy with where you are at you should do whatever is necessary to change what needs to be changed. I like to be happy so I have to do whatever I have to do to stay happy. The career path that I have chosen is well known for making people unhappy. I know a lot of miserable people and I NEVER want to be that way. It just isn't healthy if you ask me.
I'm the type of person that likes new things. I am not afraid of change or to take on a challenge to embark on something new at any moment possible.
I have always had an imagination and I believe that is from my love of reading.
I am somebody; a lot of people just don't know it yet and that is fine because they aren't ready and I don't believe I have done enough.
Change for the better not for the worse but whose the judge as to what is better or worse? Throughout my life I have met a lot of people and some of those people have achieved the things they have always wanted to achieve but with that came a new "person". Yes people grow up, change, grow apart and move on but one thing I have promised myself is to never feel like I am above or better than the next person. It grinds my gears when I run into someone I have known for years and to act like I am the scum of the earth blows my mind. I just tell myself that is their problem... I'll never let a little bit of fame get to my head. My mom always told me "What God gives, he can take away", so in other words stay humble no matter what your circumstances are.
This blogging experience has brought something different out of me. I have always spoken whats on my mind but the extent that I do now shocks me at times. Sometimes I can't believe the things I say.
I'm an emotional wreck... I can literally cry at the drop of dime! NO I'm not soft I can take a lot. Honestly I probably cry more because I am happy/excited rather than crying because I am sad. Sometimes I cry as I blog because I am putting so much of ME into this. How can I truly be me if I'm not passionate about whatever it is I do?
I do not condone doing things that make me miserable. If I do I'll quit at the drop of a dime... I think happiness is one of my number one priorities and I don't take it for granted.
As I pray to God every day and ask him to guide me I believe and have faith that he will never leave me astray. I chose a way of life that forces me to struggle/grind/hustle whatever you want to call it and I can say when I think I am going to fall he has always been there to catch me. With all of my RAMBLING THOUGHTS I know one day it will all makes sense, even when I don't want to believe it! For that I THANK GOD!
To my family & friends words can't express how much you mean to me (grabbing tissue because the tears have began to fall). I am truly at a point in my life where I can't tell you exactly what I am doing but I am doing something and the support you give me is NEVER unnoticed. I am far from where I want to be but the prayers and advice are so uplifting I can't wait to make you even more proud.
Mom, WOW! You are SUPERWOMAN! I wouldn't be where I am without you. You keep me grounded and remind me that I can do whatever I put my mind to. You are the epitome of what a mom should be and I love you for being all you can be for me.
Dontae I don't think there are enough beautiful words to explain what you mean to me. On top of being my significant other you have become my best friend and I know that you and I together make such a statement. I can't wait to see the amazing things that we achieve together, God willing. You may not know how much you motivate me to continue to strive to be the best woman I can be but you do and for that I am forever thankful.
Ok Ok Ok yea I got emotional but I've been holding a lot in so I had to express myself! That's what this blog is for right? Everything isn't for everyone and if you understand that about life I think everyone can appreciate it more! My confusion and the lack of ability to conform all of my thought into a complete one I think I expressed what I needed to get things off my chest!
WHEW! *Wipes forehead & eyes* :)
